Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
