just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
