Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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