I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
