stop calling my apartment porn island.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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