Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
