you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
