Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
