somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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