Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
