I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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