i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
