it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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