Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
