Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My pussy is not your playground.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
