please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
