My first STD was from a foam party
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
