It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
