Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
