i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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