he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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