The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
