so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
