i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
