Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
