Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
