It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
