Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
