you guys were way drunker than both of me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
