woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
