no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
