can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
