the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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