so that wasnt chicken after all
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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