no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
