Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
