I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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