I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
