I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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