she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
