I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize