she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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