Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
