guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
