Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
