Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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