This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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