this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
