I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
