Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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