He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
