I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
