I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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