yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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