sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
