i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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