I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
