ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
