I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
