You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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