I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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