So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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