she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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