I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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