im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
