Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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