yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
