I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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