i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you never un-have a 4some
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
