Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
