I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
