and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
