i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
this is an emotional support booty call
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
