Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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