i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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