so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
