You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
