i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
