oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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