one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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