DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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