I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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