i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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