theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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