you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's never too late to be topless.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
